I thought there was a phantom…

I never need to go with my first train of thought. Ever. I don’t know why it took me 24 years to realize this but whatever, it did. The important thing is that I realized.

Anyway, I like to keep the little suction cup gps holder stuck on my windshield at all times but the past few months I’ve been noticing that it always ends up in my console. So today I decided it was of the utmost importance to call Rob at work as he is in my car a lot and maybe he’d brought some phantom in the camry with him who lives to frustrate me…

Rob: “Representative Evans’ office, this is Rob. How may I help…”

Me: “yes yes, you know it’s me, you have caller id. Listen, I’ve got something really important to discuss with you.”

Rob: “right now?? Can it wait? I’m off of work in 30 minutes.”

Me: “no it absolutely cannot. Have you been moving my circle-y thing?”

Rob: “what?”

Me: “you know. Clementine’s cradle. It’s circle-y and sucky and lives on the windshield. Or it’s supposed to which is why I’m calling. Have you been moving it or do you have a phantom attached to you?”

Rob: “oh. The gps. Yes, I’ve been taking it off your windshield because you don’t want someone to break in and steal it.”

Me: “OH THANK GOD. I did NOT want to have to call California psychics. Do you know they charge by the minute?”

Rob: “wait. Why would you not think to ask me first? And if anything if you thought there was a spirit why wouldn’t you call a priest instead of a psychic?”

Me: “now you’re just being ridiculous. The psychic would tell me if there was a phantom in the car and THEN I’d call the priest to get rid of it. Obviously.”

Rob: “how can you say ‘obviously’ and act like you have any knowledge in this area? You’re acting like this has happened to you before.”

Me: “what? I have lots of knowledge about this. Just because it hasn’t happened to me doesn’t mean I don’t know everything about it.”

Rob: “no, actually that’s exactly what that means. Anyway, I’m more concerned about the fact that your first thought was to call California psychics, then a priest, and then me. We drive your car all the time, clearly i would be the culprit.”

Me: “well I was trying not to assume guilt on your part. Forgive me for being gracious. Also I forgot about you.”

Rob: “So let me get this straight. We have been dating for 2 years, I am the only person you drive in your car, we take your car places together at least 3 times a week and when you discover something is going awry in your car, you forget about me and your first thought is to call California psychics?”

Me: “they do extensive testing on their psychics to make sure they’re legit.”

Rob: “any place that charges by the minute is not a legitimate operation.”

Me: “whatever. The bottom line is that you need to stop putting Clementine’s cradle in the console.”

Rob: “I will not stop doing that.”

Me: “Fine.”

4 comments on “I thought there was a phantom…

  1. MARES, I love stories like these. This is how I know it’s truly you:

    1) You call your GPS a name, like Clementine.
    2) You call the cradle a “circle-y thing”.
    3) After you and Rob bicker about the whole thing, he tells you that he won’t stop doing it, and you’re okay with that.

    LOVE it.

  2. My gps is gerty. Short for Gertrude of course. She’s a beast, built into the dash and all. I don’t really like her. We used to have Tom(Tom). I loved him, even after his sex change to Elaine.

    Ps, I agree with the statement that any institution charging by the minute is NOT legit. 🙂

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