Brushing Animals is a PERK

So I have this love/hate relationship with the Zooborns website. While I love baby animals, I am absolutely disgusted that I don’t get the chance to tend to any of them. What makes those zookeepers  so special? When do I get the chance to brush the tiniest monkey ever with a toothbrush? I spent most of the evening screaming about this to Rob and I found out that APPARENTLY there is no job that is specifically for brushing baby animals!

Me: “DJ ROBBY D!”

Rob: “PLEASE stop calling me that.”

Me: “What do you mean? That’s your rap name. Anyway, my life is in shambles. I need a new job.”

Rob: “Okay, let’s find you a new one online. Hmm…okay, here are some administrative assistant jobs, one at a nursing home…”

Me: “No. no no. Where are the jobs brushing baby animals at the zoo?”

Rob: “What? No one has that job.”

Me: “Okay then, hand raising meerkat pups as my own. I’ll take that.”

Rob: “These aren’t real jobs.”

Me: “Okay, here’s the thing.  Look at these girls:  They are my age and they are holding meerkat pups. Six between them.  That’s the job I want.  They have it, I want it.”

Rob: “Their job isn’t just raising meerkats or brushing animals! They’ve probably put in a lot of time and have a degree in biology.”

Me: “Now look. Here they’ve decided to put all these meerkats in a silver bowl.  They said, ‘We have a silver mixing bowl. And meerkats. Go on, put them in there! Quick!’ Then they said, ‘We need more places to put these baby meerkats. What about… THIS! We have this spare water bowl from those arctic fox cubs we raised and now live at our house. Put them in there. We have all afternoon!'”

Rob: “I just don’t think you understand how zoos work…”

Me: “All I know is that I’m very clearly stating what sort of job I want and I notice that you keep looking at restaurant jobs. I want the job brushing animals and raising them as my children. Put that in the search engine. WHERE ARE THOSE JOBS?!”

Rob: “OKAY HONEY. Here’s the thing: those girls know something about science. That’s how they have that job. And I love you but I saw your ACT scores and you just don’t know anything about science. BRUSHING BABY ANIMALS IS A PERK. NOT A JOB. A PERK. If you want a new job, be realistic.

Me: “Look at this tiniest monkey. They are brushing him WITH A TOOTHBRUSH. Because a comb would break him.” 

4 comments on “Brushing Animals is a PERK

  1. those girls are being show offs with their meerkats! and you know, being a show-off is bad manners. so they should probably be taken away from them and given to you.

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