I still hate napkins.

So I just turned 25 and I finally feel like an adult. And not because I can rent a car. I don’t care about driving some orange kia rio.

Anyway, this dawned on me tonight when by mere coincidence, I happened to go see my parents on the same night my mom was making tacos for dinner. Every time she makes tacos she puts the shredded cheese in a bowl with a fork. Tonight I used that cheese fork instead of waiting until my mom had looked away so I could use my fingers. So what if I wasn’t used to using utensils and threw cheese on the floor? The point is I used that cheese fork. I am a real live adult and I have a list to prove it:

1. The olive jar: this goes along the same line as using the cheese fork. I have stopped cramming my fingers into the olive jar like some ape that’s smart enough that it can communicate by sign language that it’s hungry but too dumb to figure out how to get the food out of the packaging.

2. Washing my hands: within the past couple of years I have started washing my hands regularly. Without being reminded. I have also stopped running the sink so that people think I washed my hands and now I am actually getting my hands wet and soapy and using paper towels. Washing my hands used to be something I only did after asking myself the following questions: “how many animals did I pet today? Did I pet more than 1 cat? If so, how many? Did I let that dog lick my hand? Did I actually get to touch that lizard’s tail on the patio or did he swish it away too quickly?”

3. Washing my fruit: apparently that’s a thing now.

4. Making lists: I quietly made a list of reasons to share with you instead of shouting them to anyone who would listen.

5. Volume control: I don’t use my outdoor voice indoors anymore! Or at least I don’t as much.

So yes, I am a real live adult but I still hate napkins and REFUSE to get one on my own accord. I will wipe my hands on my pants until I die. Or my mom places a napkin in my lap for me. Whichever happens first.

One comment on “I still hate napkins.

  1. The other day I discovered a HUGE pack of napkins (to be fair, my house has roughly a billion cabinets) and i was like HOW DID THESE GET HERE? and then i figured that mommy probably put them there

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