My apology to Best Buy employees or anything of the sort…

So after being in Best Buy today, I realized that I am ridiculously incompetent when it comes to technology.  I am like a 70 year old woman.  But I feel like my questions and descriptions are exceptionally dumb, which is why not only will I extend an apology to all Best Buy and AT&T employees, I will also include a highlight reel.  Also I can’t forget to apologize to my dear friend Cores, who bears the brunt of my idiotic inquiries. Here goes:

(I am going into Best Buy to get a USB drive, except I don’t know what it’s called.  I should add that I am walking around the store nearly in tears because I can’t figure out where anything is and I don’t know how to ask for it.)

Kevin, the Best Buy employee:  “Hi, is there anything I can help you with?”

Mary:  “Oh my gosh, so much.  Except I don’t know what it’s called so I’m going to describe it to you. Is that okay?  Okay, I am just going to tell you what I want.”

Kevin:  “That’s fine, I’m sure it will be no problem.”

Mary:  “Okay, I want one of those things that sticks into my laptop.”

Kevin:  “A mouse?”

Mary:  “No, no.  I have one of those, I put my fingers on it and swish.”

Kevin:  “…Okay, you mean the mouse on the laptop.  Alright, so I need more description.”

Mary:  “Okay, it’s a stick and you stick it in your computer.  My brother has one that looks like a piece of Bubble Yum.  Do you have laptop sticks that look like Bubble Yum?  Do they come in colors?  I want one in a color.”

Kevin:  “Ma’am, I am having a hard time understanding what you want.”

Mary:  “I want something that I can stick into my laptop so I can print my beach pictures.  My brother has one for papers but I don’t write papers so I don’t use it.  I guess I could but I just go to the library, you know?  Free printing.  Well it’s not free, we have a technology fee built into our tuition so it feels free but also it’s like, you should use it because you’re paying for it.  Probably 25 dollars.  Will this be 25 dollars?”

Kevin:  “Okay.  So it’s something you want to put pictures on?”

Mary:  “Right.  I plug it in and then drag whatever pictures I want onto it.  Boom.  Or I guess if I wrote a paper I could do that too.”

Kevin:  “Do you mean a USB drive?”

Mary:  “I don’t know, does that stick into the computer?”

(Kevin, who looks suicidal at this point, brings me over to the display of USB drives.)

Kevin:  “Is this what you wanted?”

Mary:  “YES!  Except I want a pink or purple one.  And I see you don’t have one that looks like a piece of Bubble Yum.  Do you know where they sell those?”

Kevin:  “NO.”

Mary:  “Oh, okay, I guess I’ll keep looking.  But I know the name of it now so I really appreciate that.”

Kevin:  “Yep.”

Okay so at least it’s probably obvious to everyone why I owe Best Buy an apology.  I would not have blamed Kevin for pushing me down a flight of stairs at that point.  I went into the AT&T store a few days later…poor guy didn’t know what was about to hit him:

AT&T check in guy:  “Welcome to AT&T, what can I help you with?”

Mary:  “Oh hi!  Okay, so I got this phone from my Uncle Ted because he got a new phone and this is a samsung like my old phone except on my old phone when it was online there was a star beside the 3G at the top and this has a star so I’m afraid it’s online.  I’m never supposed to be online.”

AT&T check in guy: (Heavy sigh)  “First of all, it’s a plus sign, like 3G plus.   And okay, let me put your name in.”

My name gets called and Travis is helping me:

Travis:  “Okay so you think your phone is online?”

Mary:  “Yes, there is a st…plus sign by the 3G and on my old samsung phone it did that when it was on the online, like when I was getting a ringtone.  Can I transfer those by the way?”

Travis:  “No.”

Mary:  “No it’s not online or no I can’t transfer my ring tones?”

Travis:  “No you can’t transfer your ringtones.  As for it being online, no, it’s not online, the 3G turns red when it’s online.”

Mary:  “So why’s there the plus?”

Travis:  “I don’t know.”

Mary:  “Well, I’m afraid it’s online because the plus is there.  I don’t want a charge.  My mom will be so mad.  My brother ran up the bill so badly last month and I just moved home and she’ll be very frustrated and maybe not feed me if this phone is online.  So I need to know for definite that it’s not online.”

Travis:  “Okay.  It is NOT online.  Do you want me to check your data charges?”

Mary:  “Yes.”

Travis:  “Okay, you have no data charges.  Your phone is NOT online.”

Mary:  “Hmm…okay.  But there’s still a plus.  Can I just have your business card in case it is online and my mom gets mad?”

Travis:  Sigh.

And I know this entry is way too long, but as long as I’m humiliating myself, I might as well include one of the many, many technology related conversations Cores has dealt with. It is close to my birthday and I want a new camera.

Mary:  “Okay, I want a new camera.  Let’s get online and you help me figure out what kind of camera I want.”

Cores:  “Great, let’s look and see what deals there are and what cameras are best.”

Mary:  “Oh.  I didn’t tell you.  It has to be a Kodak and it has to be pink like my old camera AND it has to have a cord that I stick in the wall to charge it.  I do NOT want batteries.”

Cores:  “There are lots of great camera brands out there, Kodak is not the best one, you know?”

Mary:  “It’s what I had last time.  I like being brand loyal.”

Cores:  “Sigh.  Okay.  So here’s a pink Kodak…”

Mary:  “Is it the right color pink?”

Cores:  “I don’t know.  Anyway, here’s a pink Kodak.  8X optical zoom.  That’s really good…let’s look at the features.”

Mary:  “Does it come with a cord that I stick in the wall to charge it? I hate batteries.”

Cores:  “I don’t know…okay it says it has a USB cord with it so what that probably means is that it will be like my camera, where it has a plug that you can attach to the USB cord so you can plug it into the wall.  But then you can also unhook it so you can transfer your pictures on your laptop.”

Mary:  “No, that’s not what I want! I want one for the wall that doesn’t detach and one cord for my computer.”

Cores:  “Mary!  This is better!  Don’t you see?  It’s all in one!”

Mary:  “I don’t want it. Find another pink one.  I’m not even sure this one is the right shade of pink.”

Cores:  “Sigh.”

I should add that I ended up picking out that camera 5 minutes later because there wasn’t another pink Kodak and ended up telling Cores a month later that I thought I would hate the little USB plug thing but that I ended up loving it.  I cannot believe he is still my friend.   Now after reading all of this, I feel like no one will believe that I can read and write so I think once I bug the shit out of someone to help me learn how to upload photos on here, I will upload one of me reading The Pokey Little Puppy and writing notes in the margin.

3 comments on “My apology to Best Buy employees or anything of the sort…

    • No, I’m not including the trip to the Mac authority because they were actually being the stupid ones for once. I explained to the best of my abilities damn it. And I know you love the pokey little puppy, it’s our common interest. I have one with the little buttons that you press when the picture shows up in the book and it makes sound. there’s one with the pokey puppy eating the shortcake and it’s like munch munch munch. i’m going to find that today.

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